August 24, 1974

 

 

To all the Trustees of The Stelle Group:

 

It has been reported to me variously that two main reasons why the trustees feel the general membership must be protected from my  presence until after Philadelphia is established are 1.) an apparent dependence upon guidance by astrological seerism on my part and 2.) an apparent departure from the sexual morality I’ve be­lieved and taught in the past. I have not changed my beliefs on either subject for as long as Gall has known me, and I have always striven to maintain my integrity by living my life in accordance with truth as best as I have been able to understand what I’ve been taught. You are giving people excuses and innuendos instead of stating your real reasons; and it appears that eventually it must all come out before the general membership as a result of your way of handling this situation.

 

Shortly before the beginning of this year I began to detect changes in me which I had been forewarned years ago to anticipate. I had no idea of what to expect, and the reformation I am presently un­dergoing is surprisingly far-reaching. Until I could perceive how to handle the changes which are opening up within me, I was not sure how to relate to The Stelle Group. I am in the midst of con­verting from an Akhnaton presentation of my personality to a King David presentation. Latent potentials have been coming to the fore to replace my familiar but erstwhile business and social personae and methods. During my interview with John late April, I com­plained of my inability to perceive how such distinct changes could be coming about so rapidly without my seeming to have anything to do with their evolution. It was he who suggested that I consult an expert astrologer to explain in detail how different sets of know­ledge and personality traits can be called forth from the Ego in response to changing “energy” currents. John reminded me that the Stelle program could not be started until all the influences needed to comprise my environment and make-up were available in full phase and in proper aspect. It is also significant that Akhnaton died in his middle forties, and David did not come to power until his middle forties.

 

I am no stranger to astrology. I have long known its values and its limitations. I do not imagine that any astrologer can tell my fortune, but any really expert astrologer can point out trends which the individual can drift with, or use to his advantage, or be aware of as a challenge to overcome. Free will has a wide range in which to operate, but a person cannot conceal what he is from an expert astrologer. NO ONE can rely on newspaper or magazine horoscopes! Even casting a natal chart is pointless unless the exact time of birth is known. The average person who dabbles in astrology does not take into account the complicated interactions between planetary positions. To take into account only the sun sign is very misleading. The sun sign represents the character of the individual as well as his needs and drives. The moon sign represents the subconscious mind and one’s inner nature and feelings. The ascendant (or rising) Sign determines how one presents himself and relates to the outside world. The permutations of these three basic signs are very complex, and one does not just add the characteristics of each sign to the other two. Moreover, the houses in which each of the plan­ets function is determined by knowing the exact time of birth. Therefore, for anyone to consult amateurs or pamphlets to guide his life is sheer folly. And there are plenty of fortune tellers who employ astrology as well as other divinations in order to tell their marks how to lead their lives. The honest, professional astrologers do not deal in hocus pocus or fate counseling. Jeff Valentine recommended a woman who has more than twenty years professional experience when I mentioned to him that I needed clarification on theory. I did not go to have a horoscope done nor did I want to undertake the expense of one. I’d never let anyone know what time of day I was born before, but before she would talk with me, she insisted that Jeff give her the exact time and place. When I arrived to talk with her a couple days later, she had earlier done a simple natal chart to determine who or what she was getting involved with. She became intrigued with the chart and the fact that she had never seen one with no negatives in it; so on her own she had done a full analysis and progressed it two years before I arrived to talk with her. We talked for four hours, and she even made lunch for me; yet she didn’t charge for anything but the actual time to answer technical questions I had of her. She spent the first few minutes verifying my time of birth to the min­ute by correlating her charted dates with actual events in my child­hood. When she was later able to pinpoint the date of August 15, 1939 as an event which caused a turnaround an my philosophy, and October 31, 1939 as a major change in residence, without my having previously mentioned those dates or their significance. Subsequent to that, I commented not at all during her first reading of the chart as corrected. She was detailed and explicit and, to my satisfaction, quite correct even though she didn’t know names of persons or places. Only after that did I concur with the precision of her insights into me. I couldn’t begin to remember all the things she said; so she went through it again on three cassette tapes. In July I had a public steno transcribe these so I could check the information since I had no tape recorder. I shall send the trustees a copy so you can de­cide for yourselves how wicked it really is. The good and the bad, however you chose to see it, is all there. Whatever I am, I presently am. For my part, I feel I am now better able to understand my position­ in the Brotherhoods’ work. The knowledge which I have acquired since April first is bound to change my understanding of the Uni­verse—and possibly yours as well one day; so I am not frozen in my views nor can I ever afford to be.

 

As regards my philosophy of the esoteric purpose of sex and its place in human interactions, I will agree that few people other than Brothers and Mystics concur with my views. My use of sexual energies and attractions coincide with those of Lemurian times and the and ancient Egyptians and Rama Indians. Those who know me intimately can attest that sexual affinities are used by me as a device to penetrate their territorial bubble. My sexual appetite is very subdued compared to other men. The fine human beings I have found behind their conven­tionally rigid social masks have been my only real close friends in The Stelle Group. As I tried to explain to David, although most people are friendly toward me and have goodwill toward my work, the relationship necessarily becomes adversarial when I employ them to assist me directly. It is significant that in spite of the goodwill Gail and I have felt toward one another and the joy of sharing many positive experiences and successes, I have almost never been able to get her to drop her masks. Her lovingness is as genuine and warm as most women’s, and her devotion to serving her man was superior to most. Nevertheless, her resistance to meaningful union on the sexual level has been essentially total.

 

Gail and I did everything together and enjoyed our marriage as few others I’ve seen. Nevertheless, she apparently found it to be too much togetherness after five years or wanted to quit her job on the outside since she wished to have a baby and have the separate sex roles which that entails. We had fantasized about what our child might look like even though we weren’t planning to have one. In spite of the naturalness of her wish for motherhood, I would not agree because I pointed out that it would divide us and interfere in the work set before us. Nevertheless she allowed herself to get pregnant without my consent, and I asked her to have an abortion even though I couldn’t insist since it was her body. Gail refused but assured me that she would remain a lover and a wife foremost beside being a mother, and that she wouldn’t be like other women I’d seen. In the years following Dawn’s birth, Gail occasionally permitted my sexual advances, with such obvious revulsion and distaste, however, that my attempts became more infrequent. However, she did like to snuggle in my arms. After about two years, I under­went family counseling to try to determine what was wrong with me and, for all practical purposes, I just spent my money without resolving anything. I suppose I’ll never know what I was doing wrong or if Gail was just having some negative physiological or psychologi­cal reaction to motherhood. Meanwhile, Gail assumed my office work for The Stelle Group. I would go to bed at midnight, and Gail would work until 2 or 3 AM. We had much to occupy ourselves, and had very little contact with each other except at the dining table in the happy crowd which ate with us every meal.

 

Gail not only failed in her pledge to remain a lover after Dawn’s birth, she even ceased to be my wife in effect. First and foremost, comes the work of The Stelle Group for which she displays her tremendous energy, enthusiasm and devotion. After her career comes her conscientious rearing of Dawn, in which I confess I have had no part other than some theoretical guidance. Last comes Gail’s skill as a cook and hostess, which is formidable. Gail is a remarkable woman, and it was with sadness that the personal part of our lives drifted into non-existence. The business and economic aspects of the marriage went on, but the state of interpersonal relations became that of friends instead of lovers. I was fed well along with the rest, and Gail saw to it that my clothes were cleaned for work. To that extent she met her self-disciplined obligations toward me. Gail and I certainly get along peaceably and respectfully enough, but the romance and the mystique were irrevocably dead. She couldn’t excite me sexually any more than I could excite her—and that was zero.

 

I had never had intercourse with anyone other than Dorothy or Gail so long as I was acceptable to them, and I refrained from looking elsewhere for years after Gail’s rejection of that aspect of our relationship. I’ve not initiated liaisons with other women either. But there was always an element of flirtation, which eventually leads to an essential dropping of masks whereby real communication could begin. In any event, there was always a clear understanding that I intended to stay with Gail because of my obligation to The Stelle Group, Dawn and Gail. I have since been released from that obligation except for support, but at the time it seemed the way to go. The woman with whom I had made an agreement had, however, got it in her mind to supercede all Gail’s roles; and when I sought to terminate the relationship because of her untoward fantasies in that direction, a rivalry between her and Gail ensued. This quickly resolved itself by her electing to move from the household when l would not support her ambitions.

 

A couple of girls, who suffered Gail’s stings because she considered them incompetents, turned to me for acceptance and comfort, but those were counseling relationships which hinted at sexual acceptance rather than becoming affairs. None of these were casual encounters. They all involved in-depth personality encounters which aimed at their acquiring Egoic strength. Egos with their masks and shells removed are trembly things which require delicate handling on the part of both parties. The mutual experiences seemed valuable to both parties in every case. I was aware enough to realize that these started as child/savior relationships which, when finally drawn into the field of adult/adult interactions, faded away because there was no logical place for the relationship to go beyond a special friendship. I’ve never kidded myself that I’m a lover—I was being used, albeit positively, and that was nice. Nevertheless, the insights they gave me into myself were enriching and unexpected, and training in new skills was thereby afforded me for better seeing through masks into people’s true intentions and feelings. Very likely a useful ad­junct since John has tipped me off that I shall have to deal with duplicity and deception at close range for a while. Another insight I acquired is an increased ability to love people. The kind where you expect nothing in return other than the sheer joy of loving. But that does not mean that I am not looking for a permanent, maturely-based marriage again.

 

The idea of my staying with Gail in her home for appearance’s sake while loving someone else is probably too difficult for either of us. Moreover, I do not choose to continue putting up with her constant scowling at me or her ploys to show herself as head of the house even after I surrendered that to her years ago. Therefore, Gail’s use of body language to convey to others that her end of the table is the head and that she is the point in any circle becomes merely divisive for the group. She has long known from my explicit dis­cussions with her that I cannot abide what I consider her regres­sive techniques toward members, her tendency to imperiousness, or her ways of instilling members with fear. When she began to also publicly reject almost any statement or proposal I would make, and to interrupt my sentences, and to generally convey the impression of my incompetence it was coming to be time for a showdown; and it would have happened if she hadn’t incited a man in the group to screen “foul” against me so as to line up the other three trustees on her side.

 

I believe I have good reasons to suspect that Gail is resisting my return to Stelle because to deal with me as David (of which she has had forewarning) is going to be too worrisome an unknown. With tractable Akhnaton out of the way, she now rules absolutely and everything has been going exactly the way she wants it. But it is not to continue that way. Gail’s best effectiveness will be restored in her service to The Stelle Group when she no longer acts as queen bee. So long as she continues to place herself in direct confron­tation and competition with me, she will be undermining herself as well. When she and I have our new spouses, she will be at peace and we can again work in real harmony. I gave Gail her head for a long time, but perforce the reins must now be drawn in. She must surely have seen the lesson by now. The Stelle Group does not belong to me, and it does not belong to the trustees. Very soon the general membership must have more control over its own internal affairs. The group’s destiny, however, is set, and it coincides with mine for yet awhile. Regardless how I may struggle or protest, my life pat­tern is set, but that does not mean I can live it out passively. I, like the group, must work to make the destiny happen. The mysterious part is that it shall succeed because there is no alternative path by which it is allowed to fail.

 

I do not find it necessary that I stay away from The Stelle Group completely, rather I need only to not enter Gail’s home until she gets her divorce. Since, as Jim told me in May, the story about why Gail and I have broken up has already been spread through the group, it is merely a matter of seeing if the general membership wants me to serve them considering the circumstances which led me into the decisions I made to keep myself somewhat balanced and productive while faking the appearances of a marriage with Gail. Surely, it should be their decision to withhold me from participation and not just Gail’s and the trustees’. I don’t have any intention of seeking to supplant Jim as president of the Group or the Industries, for I am not a good administrator, as he kept pointing out in his exasperated notes to me before I turned it all over to him. We both know that Jim irritates hell out of me by his holier-than-thou attitude when we meet, yet I think I can keep out of his way while he feels that way. Anyhow, there is no place for me to live in Stelle itself; and I would find a place in Kankakee or Pontiac convenient to a job. Distance will reduce chance for friction. Jim’s allegations to others that I am a bed hopper are misleading and do not treat fairly the implied allegations upon the reputations of some very fine women. His statements to the managers that his difficulties in bringing order in the group are due to the mess his predecessor left things in do not endear him to me either. And who is Jim’s source of in­formation that I have forfeited my right to teach The Stelle Group because of my words and actions of late? The Ultimate Frontier is intended as but an introduction to a huge field of knowledge, and I have been amplifying the book bit-by-bit in sessions with the trustees and at open houses ever since. The philosophy cannot be frozen at the kindergarten stage it is in now without doing great disservice to those Great Ones who we are expected to emulate. I am subject to the dynamics of personality growth just like everybody else in the world. None of us is exactly the same person after each day’s ex­periences. I am pleased to encounter the new growth I discern in each of you. And by the same token, I refuse to be expected to hide my knowledge forever or to reveal only what the trustees dictate to me. The threatening postures you assume toward my teaching Truth defies the moral obligation we have to dispel ignorance and to en­courage true growth of the individuals in the group. The Ultimate Frontier is the outer expression of that part of the Lemurian Philosophy which is permitted to be used to attract a core of people to whom the esoteric mysteries can be divulged. If the book is used merely as a lure to accumulate a labor force which will work cheap and conscien­tiously, then The Stelle Group must deservedly fade away. The Stelle Groups as it is today, is not the New Order, and there will not even be any Emissaries coming to teach us unless a spiritual community is welded together out of those who are still in the group.

 

My sense of integrity and independence are strong, and I will not be coerced. I feel myself to be mature and balanced and healthy minded enough to carry out my commission, But I have been concealing the truth of my marital situation in order to protect other people, and that has given others a power over me. Lower Entities do not have direct inroad to me, but they certainly manipulate people who are close to me as a means of undermining my work and effectiveness. I have absolutely no sense of guilt or shame personally about what I’ve actually done, and there is no one left now who needs to be protected. Those who would seek to manipulate me by trying to convince me that I have done or said shameful things are depending upon my acceptance of their own perverted and sordid tapes instead of Cosmic Law. I do not intend to assist wrong-headed accusers by acceding to their own troubled views of guilt and shame. I have enough Hank Reardon in me to know that I have an obligation to not deliver myself into bonds which others hope to forge for me and then expect me to put them on of my own accord. Moreover, until Gail’s ban on my communicating with Stelle members or my being seen by them is totally rescinded, I an obliged to purse whatever will restore my right to visit Stelle and serve Stelle.

 

I left Stelle in April for at least ten different reasons. The im­mediately precipitating factors being to provide Gail with more publicly acceptable grounds for divorce and because she had successfully maneuvered a situation so as to draw the other trustee’s support from me. The majority of the reasons why I left are now pretty well resolved, and I don’t need to be away from Stelle itself to still allow Gail’s suit by reason of desertion. The matter of the young husband’s charges I look forward to bringing out into the open so the group as a whole can judge the merits of his trumped-up claim that I conspired to break up his so-called marriage. I know they’ve all heard his side of it by now, but I feel willing and able to demolish his claim in cross examination even to the trustee’s satisfaction in spite of your prejudice.

 

I’m sorry that you will not confront me in vis-a-vis communication. It takes a long time to write all this stuff, whereas I could more easily convey my lack of heat and goodwill in a conversation and be sure you understood me by observing your facial and body responses. In trying to be as concise as possible I run the danger of not making myself, clear. I trust that you will not delay your replies by so many weeks that you drag this out for a year. It has certainly occurred to me that you refused to communicate with me except by writing in order to have more substantial court evidence for some­thing you may have in the back of your minds Be that as it may, I have here put my faith in candor. We shall see to what end you put it.

 

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Richard Kieninger

 

 

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