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Volume I, No. 8 TEACHING TWO CHILDREN ACTIVITIES FOR TWO Two-year-old Peter dismantles a futuristic
“Capsela”* model as his mother assists his sister, Renee. Renee,
who’s four years old, is folding an equilateral triangle into a
three-dimensional tetrahedron. Cindy, who is Peter and Renee’s mother,
started both children on the tetrahedron project earlier in the morning. She
suggested that both children start by coloring the small triangles within the
larger ones. After some coloring, Peter was ready for something new. Renee
still wanted to cut, fold and tape her triangle into its finished form. Peter decided to try his mother’s suggestion
to practice drawing some letters with his crayons. When he tired of this, his
mother supplied him with the nearby “Capsella” box. He does not yet have the
skill to use the model as it was intended, yet he takes it apart, learning
about it through trial and error. Peter and Renee were able to share their
mother’s attention because she combined group activities with independent
projects. If Peter lost interest in a project before Renee, there were other
projects for his use close at hand. Having these back-up materials within
reach helped her to easily start Peter on a new project. This freed her to
shift her attention to whichever child needed it. It also encouraged each
child to work independently of Cindy. Teaching two children at one time does require
versatility. Although Cindy thinks about the things she wants to do with the
children, she recognizes that they won’t always want to do what she suggests.
If the children’s interests lead them in an unexpected direction, she follows
them. She knows that she can introduce the other activities at a time when
the children are more receptive to them. OBSERVATIONS Both Cindy and her husband, Bill, try to build
upon Renee and Peter’s natural interest in learning. They help the children
become better observers by pointing out the attributes of things in their
surroundings; even the pieces of a game: the number of pieces, their shapes,
colors and textures. A simple question may also be used to teach
the children to observe and think for themselves. For example, when Renee
asked her father why he was breaking apart the corn on the cob, he told her
to watch what he did. He put the two halves of corn back together as he held
them over the pot, obviously unable to make them fit inside. Next he asked
her why she thought he broke it apart. Then she started to observe for
herself that the corn had to be broken in order to fit in the pot. Although Peter doesn’t actively participate in
such discussions, he listens. Often he’s inspired to learn new things because
he sees his older sister doing them. Sometimes she tries to teach him about
the things she’s learning. These glimpses into a world somewhat “over his
head” pave the way for the things he’s yet to discover. Even walks in the city can serve the same
purpose. When Renee and Peter were even younger, Bill and Cindy took them on
walks, pointing out the words on billboards and street signs. Reading the
big, colorful words of “the real world” proved to be an exciting observation
exercise. The word “stop” on a traffic sign or “Texaco”
on a station sign are words that young children become familiar with easily.
You might even want to see how many of those “street” words you can find in
the stories you’re reading at home. CREATIVE ALTERNATIVES An activity which this family presently does
is to create stories. Cindy puts out an idea such as taking a trip to their
grandmother’s. Then she asks the children what kind of transportation they’d
choose to get there. Renee, being the most vocal of the two, throws in most
of the ideas. She wants to float on balloons to Grandma’s. Bill and Cindy
continue by casually asking other questions which encourage the children to
look for new and different ways to do things. They joy this creative approach to life, but
Cindy did mention that it has its side effects. Since young children are very
much in the process of forming their images of reality, they have some
difficulty distinguishing between the real and the imagined. This results in
the children creating some fascinating fantasies at times their parents least
expect them. Discussing the practical nature of the world
is an important balance to such creative experiences. Take Renee’s idea of
floating on balloons to Grandma’s. Although she might well be frustrated by
an interruption to her story-telling, on another day she could enjoy hearing
about people who really have traveled by balloon. MULTIPLYING THE FUN Having two young children, this family has an
active lifestyle. The whole family participates in many physical activities:
bicycling, walking, throwing Frisbees, playing catch and dancing. During the
winter months they spend a good deal of time jumping on a mini-trampoline
called a rebounder. As the children take turns jumping, they chant
numbers to the tune of “Skip to My Lou.” If they chant the multiples of
three, they sing, “Three, six, nine, twelve...” After this, Cindy puts out
some pennies in groups of three. Renee counts the number in each group, then
counts the total number of pennies. Cindy points out that 3 + 3 6 and that
two groups of three (2 X 3) equal six. This helps Renee and Peter to explore
the concepts behind the addition and multiplication facts, as well as giving
them a playful way to remember the multiples of three. HARMONY IN THE FAMILY Rearing two children who are close in age does
have its own special challenges, but they have found many techniques to make
it a rich experience. Cindy particularly feels that their training in the
STEP program** has helped them to feel more effective in dealing
with the needs of their two young children. Bill and Cindy’s creative approach to
parenting has helped each of their children realize that they have a
respected place in the family. That makes sharing Mom and Dad a lot more
acceptable. Best of all, it helps Peter and Renee to be more appreciative of
each other. * Made by Play-Jour, Inc. ** Don Dinkmeyer and Gary McKay - Systematic Training for Effective
Parenting Basic Principles TO MOTHER IS TO TEACH TEACHING If you have even a hint of how good it is for
children to happily learn to read before they are three, you’re a prime
candidate for being the best reading teacher your child could have. Don’t let not-knowing-how stop you; dozens of
Stelle children have learned to read from their mothers, and not one of those
mothers knew how to teach reading to a young child when she began. (The
thousands of young children throughout history who’ve been taught to read by
one parent or the other are yet another part of that story.) THE TEXT — DOMAN 1979 A good first step is to find and read Glenn
Doman’s How to Teach Your Baby to Read, the 1979 edition. The earlier
edition tells you all you really have to know, but the updated version
includes additional specifics that can make your teaching more effective. THE DECISION — KEEP IT FUN AND KEEP AT IT If you find yourself getting excited about
what you read, you’re ready for what may be the most important piece of your
learning-to-teach-reading process — the very personal decision to both keep
it fun and keep at it. Here’s why that’s important. THE DISTRACTIONS — PUSHING OR QUITTING After you’ve begun teaching your child to
read, you may hit times when you’re tempted to either
push/insist/turn-it-into-work, or, to give up. (Maybe you won’t
have moments like these. There’s definitely no need to. But many of us
here have had both those feelings.) In the middle of such times, remembering
the decision to love doing the teaching — to have fun with it — can cause you
to pull back, take stock, and come up with some new teaching angle that
stimulates both of you. THE FEELINGS — THEIR BASIS Occasionally those feelings come just from our
own impatience — wanting to see the results of our creative, constant
teaching; in a hurry for feedback and proof of our effectiveness. More frequently, though, those push-or-quit
distractions have come just because it was time for some new steps in our
teaching process; and, instead of taking time to think and feel through the
situations, to figure out what those next steps were, we’ve sometimes either
blamed our children for whatever we perceived as a problem (“They’re not
getting it fast enough, so I’ll push them to get it”), or blamed ourselves
(“I’m not good at doing this so I’ll quit”). The feelings are often real
enough, but the assumptions generating them are almost always untrue. THE TRICK — AND THE FUN The trick is to step outside of those
assumptions, drop whatever doesn’t seem to be working, and try something
else. To offer some real examples: —A ten-month-old won’t sit still long enough
to be read to, but loves to be held and walked around, so the mother reads
books to him while she walks around holding him. —An eighteen-month-old has had enough of the regular
reading games, but eagerly matches plastic letters to those on word cards as
her mother says the completed words. —Another child declares he’s finished reading
for the day, but is glad to help his mother teach a stuffed animal to read. —Yet another has had enough table time but
trembles with excitement at finding “lost” word cards in the hall “jungle”
and racing them back to Mommy to save them from the dinosaurs! Often we find that teaching our children
elicits from us a degree of creativity we didn’t know we had. Thank goodness
there isn’t just one repetitive ritual by which children learn to
read. Keeping attuned to each child and coming up with ten different ways to
teach the same thing, that’s all part of the fun! LESSONS FROM LIFE There are lots of free enrichment activities
which can be drawn from daily experiences. For instance: Talk about the jobs of the people around you.
Discuss the work of the mail carrier as he or she delivers the mail. How can
you recognize a mail carrier anywhere in the city? (The uniform, the bag, the
truck.) How does Grandma’s letter get from Examine the jobs of the people at the
supermarket as you do your shopping. (The butchers, stock clerks, cashiers,
baggers and the manager.) Where did all the goods that you’re buying come
from? (Things other than produce are generally labeled with their point of
origin.) Try people-watching: You can teach a lot about
non-verbal communication through this activity. Look at the expression on
people’s faces, point out the different ways they walk, the way they position
their bodies, the clothes that they wear. Try to guess how they might be
feeling or what they might be discussing. Visit department stores which sell fine
merchandise. Pick a department such as kitchen wares and give the names of
unusual pieces of equipment as you point to them. Hardware stores are also
excellent places to visit. Generally they have bins of hardware which you may
allow your child to touch as you identify the various pieces. Obviously, these aren’t activities to try on a
tight schedule, but when you do make the time, you’ll find a wealth of
lessons from everyday life. ● PART
TWO ● THE RELATION BETWEEN DEPENDENCE AND DEVELOPMENT There are several characteristic stages in the three years
of a child’s growth from physical birth to psychological
birth. Mothering gives a child passage from each stage to the
next. In the 1960’s in THE FIRST FEW WEEKS — “NORMAL AUTISM” During the first few weeks after birth, there
seems to be an invisible “protective bubble” around the newborn, as if to
protect him from extremes of stimulation. The child seems vaguely focused
inward most of the time he’s awake, apparently more aware of what’s going on
inside his body than of anything outside. There are fleeting states of what’s
called “alert inactivity” during which the newborn does respond to external stimuli,
and these states increase in frequency and length with time and good
mothering; “it is by way of mothering that the young infant is gradually
brought out of an inborn tendency toward vegetative ... regression and into
increased sensory awareness of, and contact with, the environment.” FROM ONE TO ABOUT FIVE MONTHS — “SYMBIOSIS” As the child grows more aware of the mother,
the “protective bubble” around him encloses her as well. His focus shifts
outward to include the mother as he comes to feel at one with her. As she
holds, feeds, looks at, smiles at, and talks to her baby, she is building the
bond between them. Developing this bond is the crucial psychological task
of the child’s first few months. All instances of harmony and pleasure a
baby feels with his mother increase the quality and strength of their bond.
When the child shows a preference for his mother over others by smiling
specifically in response to her, his bond or special attachment is said, by
psychologists, to be established. Within the uterus the fetus experienced a
physical oneness with his mother. During these first few months he
experiences a psychological oneness with her that becomes the basis of his
ability to relate to others as an adult. FIVE TO NINE MONTHS — “DIFFERENTIATION” At some point from four or five months onward
infants acquire “a certain new look of alertness, persistence and
goal-directedness.” They no longer seem to drift in and out of alertness but
are more permanently alert during periods of wakefulness, which are
lengthening. During this same period there is noticeable gain in physical
independence, as the baby can stretch, roll, crawl, and creep a bit away from
his mother. This ability brings to the child a sense of being separate from
the mother he has learned to feel at one with. If the mother generally
enjoyed a healthy, relaxed symbiotic phase with her child, that child is
comfortable during this new phase of beginning to pull away, to explore the
other-than-mother world, to be curious about strangers — while surer that
they are strangers. TEN TO FIFTEEN MONTHS — “PRACTICING” During the next five to six months most
children are able to physically move farther away from mother by creeping,
and then by walking and running. With this increased mobility, the child’s
interest in the world around him expands and intensifies. This is the period
often characterized as the child’s “love affair with the world.” There are
even moments when the child is so engrossed in his new abilities to move and
in the attractions of the greater world that he seems to forget his mother! If the mother has: gently, consistently
invited contact during the first few weeks of life (normal autism);
comfortably allowed establishment of emotional interdependence and attachment
during the first few months (symbiosis); and then enjoyed the child’s early
movement away from her, remaining warm and available so he’s sure she’s there
to return to (differentiation), her child now feels free to exult in his new
mobility. He can “fall in love” with the enticing world around him as he
“fell in love” with his mother, and can dash back to share his explorations
with her secure in the knowledge that she remains emotionally and physically
available to him. FIFTEEN TO TWENTY-TWO MONTHS — “RAPPROCHEMENT” Next comes a time of renewed need for mother
as well as a time of ambivalence. Now he stays close to her more, insists on
her attention. As his awareness of his own separateness heightens, his need
for assurances of his mother’s love seems to increase. He is experiencing a
yearning for the old oneness, coupled with a reluctance to give up his
new-won freedom and the excitement of exploring. His need to be with his
mother is equaled by his need to stay free to explore. These ambivalent
feelings vary in intensity from child to child but generally create real
anxiety. The mother’s love of her child and acceptance of his ambivalence are
what enable him to get safely through this period. Mahler stresses, “One
cannot emphasize too strongly the importance of the optimal emotional
availability of the mother during this sub-phase.” TWENTY-TWO MONTHS TO THIRTY-SIX MONTHS AND BEYOND —
“CONSTANCY” Generally by around 18 to 20 months children
have established “object permanence” — the reasoning ability to know that a toy,
say, is still present even though not visible. During the third year of life,
while the child is consolidating his individuality, he is also attaining
“person permanence” — the ability to maintain an inner memory of his mother
(or other significant person) during her temporary absence. It means that he
can usually deal fairly safely with the tensions of such separations. This
ability includes combining his angry and loving experiences with his mother
into one integrated image. It can be a tricky assignment for a child feeling
strong ambivalence. Mahler cites evidence that “infants with harmonious
relationships with their mother develop ‘person permanence’ prior to ‘object
permanence’ while the reverse is true where the relationship is
disharmonious.” From utter dependence the child achieves an
elementary but essential individuality and his unique pattern of constancy —
the reconciling of this individuality with his yearnings for the oneness with
another human being that he first experienced with his mother. It’s quite an
accomplishment for just three years! There’s a lot more mothering left to do,
of course, but being there warmly, reliably, generously during those three
years may be the wisest investment of herself a mother can ever choose to
make. PARENTING FOR EXCELLENCE — Volume I, No. 8 —
November 1981 Parenting
for Excellence is published ten times per year by The Stelle
Group. Subscriptions are sold by the volume, with volumes beginning in
January. Subscription rates are $15 for one year, and queries about
subscriptions and delivery should be sent to The Stelle Group, ____________________________________________________________________________________________ |
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