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The Effects of Mother/Child Bonding by Heather Norns The human
ability to form loving relationships and live in inner serenity and joy is
enhanced by the natural bonding which takes place
within months after birth. The life of harmony in Lemuria is so far removed
from our present culture in time and awareness that it’s
virtually impossible for us to grasp the concept. However, their serene
balance was human, and we may therefore cultivate it. We can nurture our babies
to their natural heritage of being self-reliant, light-hearted adults who
have an ingrained awareness of their own goodness and worth. One means to
start cultivation of a race of healthy human beings is to establish and
maintain the natural bond between a mother and her child during infancy. Bonding is Natural In those races where mothering is still
inherently natural and beyond the command of the intellect, bonding occurs as
a matter of course. However, in our Western culture, where science, reason
and intellect reign, mothering has fallen prey to analytical faculties.
Bonding occurs instinctively in a single post-delivery moment between animals
and their young and is referred to as ‘imprinting.’
It is much more complex for humans. There is an initial establishment of a
mysterious psychic rapport which is usually able to
occur during the first four hours after birth; but if a newborn is not
intensely nurtured through the next eight to ten months of the in-arms phase,
the bonding process is not complete. The postnatal bonding is the first
requisite. During the first four hours after birth, if a mother is not permitted to caress her baby and bring him to her
breast and her heart, she feels a state of true grief. Even more profound is
the future effect on the newborn infant. At birth, a baby’s physical
environment undergoes radical changes: wet becomes dry, he is
inverted to a level or head-up position, the temperature around him
drops, and sounds are louder. During natural childbirth, he adapts to all
this (plus breathing on his own!) with amazing ease. Following birth, an
infant’s awareness is confined to rather hazy
sensations. He has no capability for reasoning thought or for sensing time.
Within that tiny human there is an in-born set of
expectations for a suitable environment and culture. In her book, The
Continuum Concept, Jean Liedioff tells how the expectations “with which
we confront life are inextricably involved with tendencies (for example: to
suckle, to avoid physical harm, to crawl, to creep, to imitate).” Whatever it
is the baby encounters becomes his awareness of the nature of life. If the
inflexible inborn expectations of a newborn are not met,
then, in an effort to restore stability, corrective tendencies arise. For example:
having been totally enveloped by his mother’s womb, if his body is not now
comforted by the sensations of being embraced, then he will cry in his agony
of motionlessness and to find a semblance of relief, he will flail his arms
and legs and tense his body till the sleep of terrified exhaustion overtakes him.
WHEN UNBONDED BABIES REACH ADULTHOOD, WE FIND THEM SEARCHING TO SATISFY THEIR CRAVINGS. What will become lifelong habits of body
tension and the expectation of despairing want and intolerable impatience have begun. When unbonded babies reach adulthood, we find
them searching to satisfy their cravings on carnival rides and horses, in
cars and monster-movies where they can find pleasure in being safe in what
would otherwise be a frightening situation. They also become consumers of new
products and labor-saving devices. Their underlying
discontent doesn’t allow them to be satisfied without having the latest
things, and they are gratified that they need only to push a button to
satisfy their desires (Mommy didn’t come no matter how desperate the cries).
Their early treatment taught them to expect disillusionment, doubt,
suspicion, fear of being further wounded and, sadly, resignation. The doom of
resignation cuts them off from aspiration, hope, and growth. On the other
hand, when an infant, his expectations met, finds gratification as a passive
in-arms baby, the necessary foundation is laid for
him as an adult who is able to grow and enjoy his environment and to form
loving relationships. Whatever deprivations a baby experiences in his early
months will be maintained throughout his growth—that
first impression indelibly stamping on him the outline of his learned
expectations. Western Mothering In our
Western Society, childbirth is “treated” in a modern hospital. The newborn is traumatized by immediate removal from anything familiar and
then deserted in the confines of the nursery. All that he has known no
longer exists. His body cries out for the soft warmth, the secure embrace,
the all-giving presence of the woman’s body that was lately his world. In our
so-called “advanced” countries, the vogue has been to let the baby cry
(“Don’t spoil him, let him develop his lungs!”) until his heart is broken. In
a mindless terror of silence, a limbo bereft of living sensation, he screams
until sleep descends. Those few delicious moments enfolded at his mother’s
breast or in diapering hands are beyond recall, for there is no hope when
there is no sense of time. Tension, lack, a state of longing become his
sparse universe—his norm. There is little to use, to grow on, to fulfill his
requirement for experience, in those areas where the ancestral expectations are not met, development is halted. Functioning in the emotional,
intellectual, and physical aspects will now be unbalanced. The surroundings
our patriarchal culture thrusts upon our offspring have little relevance to
their built-in expectancies. The majority of parents strive to bring together
the best they can for their children. However, the young family finds little
aid in what their similarly uninformed elders have to offer. Today’s adults
have seldom learned parenting from personal experience with their little
brothers/sisters or neighborhood babies; more likely they must rely on reference
books and their own parents’ best but floundering experiments. IN THOSE AREAS WHERE THE ANCESTRAL EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT MET, DEVELOPMENT IS HALTED. Effects of Human
Bonding: The contrast between the patriarchal and
matriarchal methods of rearing reappears with greater definition in the
resultant adults. With the deprivation of concentrated mothering, our society
is bringing forth people with impaired intellects, shrunken emotions, and a
lack of conscience—pitiful beings who feel diminished or no joy, grief,
guilt, humor or love. Whereas the richness of the bonding, in-arms experience
in infancy develops a natural sense of self-esteem, self-reliance and the
ability to form loving human relationships. Due to their constant contact, the energy
fields of the bonded baby and caretaker are combined,
and excess energy can be discharged for both through the mother’s activities
alone. Thus the baby is relaxed and easy to handle
compared with our infants who wiggle and kick and strain, trying to relieve
their built up tension. In deprived adults, permanently armored with muscle
tension, their energy build-up doesn’t release.
Liedloff tells us that they live in “a fairly chronic state of
dissatisfaction which manifests itself in bad temper, inordinate interest in
sex, inability to concentrate, nervousness, or promiscuity.” DUE TO THEIR CONSTANT CONTACT, THE ENERGY FIELDS OF THE BONDED BABY AND CARETAKER ARE COMBINED. In our present
culture, the human enjoyment of bodily contact is usually
construed as sexual, further denying the unbonded person of the
friendly reassurance found in touching and holding. In a study regarding
children suffering from “emotional deprivation resulting from lack of
mothering,” Dr. John Bowlley documents the children’s unsatisfied quest for
love and their lying, stealing, brutality, infantile behavior, and search for
mother-figures as adults. It is awesome how in-arms
bonding produces people who strive to serve mankind
rather than those with a selfish compulsion of endeavoring to alleviate a
continuous ache for something that is missing. Mothering The mother’s role during the bonding
phase in those formative months is of utmost importance. She must always be
available to her child for comfort, food, and holding; yet offer the minimum
of guidance so as not to usurp his initiative. An overly enthusiastic parent,
trying to be protective, may weaken a child and stunt the growth of
independence. Fathering The father, of course, also has an
opportunity to build his baby’s excess reservoir of love and affection. He,
too, can show Bits, cuddle, bathe and offer new exciting experiences in
loving play. Babies chortle in glee when involved in games of toss, peek-a-boo
and the like, and they actually seek out and initiate such occupations of
happy pleasure and sensation. It’s the beginning of
their lifetime of education! Father’s example is essential and is especially
important when the tot voluntarily ventures away from the maternal embrace.
There is something special about the father’s presence. He is the interface
to the outside world and another person to emulate and imitate. Theodore
Hesburgh writes, “The most important thing a father can do for his children
is to love their mother”! The whole community also has a
responsibility towards its youngsters. Let us learn to welcome, as a unit, mothers
with children everywhere. IT IS AWESOME HOW IN-ARMS BONDING PRODUCES PEOPLE WHO STRIVE TO SERVE MANKIND… A Step Toward
Brotherhood It is through linkages with others that
we attain psychological and emotional maturity. Therefore, successful bonding
is the natural first step in a lifetime devoted to attaining Brotherhood. Even though the human fulfillment provided by
the Lemurian way of life is beyond present comprehension, we presently have
the knowledge and devotion to elevate our children to levels far above our
own. A sincere concern to adapt to the patterns our Creators meant for us to
follow will help us reestablish a society that is completely
supportive of bonding. What a privilege and responsibility we have in
peopling the frontier between current Western societies and the Nation of
God! ∆ * *
* The above is an excerpt from an article
originally published in Volume 5, No. 1 of the “Adelphi Quarterly” on bonding
between mother and child. Write to “The Stelle Group Letter” if you would
like a copy of the complete article. ∆ |
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