What Is the Difference Between a “Normal” and a Diamond Marriage? Q: I have heard you say before—comment on the kind of ??? that ? and how it tends to alienate people—and yet somewhere I remember hearing about how marriage—a 2nd Degree marriage—the partners would tend to not be so dependant on each other as in most marriages. I was wondering if I could just have your insight into the differences between that and between the kind of alienating marriages that we see today? RK: Well, all too many marriages, especially young marriages, tend to be a mutual clinging together, a demand for goodies each one places on the other. When people instead become self-sufficient—they are complete within themselves—they do not need to hang on other people to give them their sense of completeness or acceptingness, but really know that they have their sense of self-worthiness: I am okay unto myself. I can provide all my needs by myself. Then that tends to diminish that clinginess which most people tend to be a little wary of as time goes by. If somebody is always hanging on you saying, “I need you, I need you,” you are inclined to let loose. I think that desire to be loose of that kind of sticky relationship is healthy and is basic. It does produce a lot of conflicts. When you do not need anybody, you can work with them as equals, as people who are giving freely of good things to the other person, not because it is demanded of them, but it is in their own self-interest to do so. Although it looks the same on the outside, the motivating factor is the really important difference: the direction that you are coming from in your approach to another person. (01-1983)
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