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Self-Esteem By Richard Kieninger All the things that you do
and that happen to you is your life. If you do not take charge of the events in
your life, then other people might take charge of you, or you may just drift.
The Lemurian Philosophy points out that we are solely responsible for the
occurrences we enjoy or suffer in our private affairs and business
transactions. The neutral nature of Existence does not favor or limit anyone.
We are each of us entitled to control as much of the world as we are able to
handle. The Universe responds to human powers of mind regardless who uses
them. If a man believes he is down and out, the Universe will reflect back to
him an environment corresponding to his images and emotional tone for as long
as he thinks that way. If he maintains attitudes of enthusiasm, happiness,
expectant success, and a determination to actively strive for the accomplishment
of a worthy goal, the Universe reflects these conditions in the physical
reality of his life. The self-help books and
courses that promote wealth consciousness tell us that those who enjoy the
best that life has to offer—i.e., the wherewithal to accomplish dreams and
exciting activities, having friends and love—all stem from one’s personal
attitudes about his self-image and his level of expectation. These
success-oriented courses point out that a person must take charge of himself
and become consciously responsible for everything he hopes to have and to
occur in his life. Success begins in self-attitude, and this in turn depends
upon one’s emotional make up. It has long been demonstrated that while skill
and education are valuable adjuncts to achievement, they are not the final
determinants of success. If that were so, then we could expect a college
degree to be the passport to riches and happiness. We must also keep in mind
that there are important and attractive aspects of life other than the
marketplace in which to be successful, but the means to attain them follow
the same principles. Being a loser is a state of
mind which keeps a person from even trying—he expects that any effort would
come to naught in the long run. He feels he doesn’t deserve success, or that
the demands of success would be too strenuous or beyond his coping, or that
the world or God is against him. The loser is most likely a person who
suffers from guilt, anxiety, or apathy. One’s internal response to these
three conditions is emotional dejection. To bring about an attitude
conducive to success, one’s negative emotions and their underlying causes
must be corrected: Feelings of guilt can come from engaging in activities
that are underhanded, immoral, or illegal and which in turn produce the low
emotional tones that allow one to continue to do those things that are
detrimental to the welfare of others and oneself. The cure is to discipline
oneself to stop doing what is eroding self-esteem. It is impossible to feel
good about yourself when you are sneaking sex with someone else’s spouse,
gypping your business associates, smoking pot, getting drunk, or manipulating
others. Another source of guilt lies in subconscious causes of which the
sufferer needs to be made aware through knowledge of psychology or through
therapy. These subconscious causes usually relate to fearful suppression of
sexual exploration or suppression of anger when one was a child. Anxiety is
another effective crippler of confidence. It has been demonstrated
scientifically that a person is unable to learn or to work effectively while
in a state of anxiety, whether short-term or chronic. By definition, anxiety
is a diffuse, unidentifiable fear from a source in the subconscious mind, and
it therefore cannot be dealt with, escaped from, or overcome directly. Apathy
is the emotional condition of one who has given up and doesn’t care what
happens next. All the above conditions can be overcome through determined
action on the part of the sufferer. of course, it would be far superior to
have a culture which does not impose negative and crippling attitudes in the
first place—and that is what Adelphi is working to restore—but a person must
deal with himself in the here and now. There is much practical psychology
which he will learn thoroughly while undoing the restrictive attitudes put
upon him by society, and with this knowledge he can help interrupt the
repetitive cycle of parents and institutions passing down unhappiness and
ineffectualness to their children. How does one go about
raising his emotional tone so that he may achieve a success consciousness?
Bringing one’s unconscious experiences of pain and unworthiness into
awareness where they can be dealt with in the light of adult understanding
has been expressed in the paragraph above. But there are more easily
accomplished actions which go along with self-analysis and which greatly
enhance the chances for more effectively and speedily arriving at a state of
healthy, happy, enthusiastic maturity. Essentially, these actions involve
changing one’s environment to conditions more conducive to positive
emotions. Environment includes people and places like family, job, and
neighborhood. Tempestuous, angry, unhappy surroundings produce disturbed
individuals, and one should remove himself from such negative conditions if
he hopes to improve his emotional tone. While dealing with angry, unhappy,
non-sane people, one cannot help but be dragged down. Get such people out of
your life and cut communication lines with them. They are poison. It is
better to end a marriage to a person whose presence keeps your emotions
chronically negative. Even the Bible states that, “A man’s enemies are they
of his own house.” When you are in a congenial atmosphere where friendship,
agreement with your ideas, and uplifting, authentic communication are
prevalent, your emotional tone rises. A person must not permit
himself to live in a squalid neighborhood or apartment; for this will inevitably
offend his esthetic tone. Engaging in or being entertained by the arts is
food for the spirit of man. “If you have two loaves of bread, sell one and
buy a hyacinth,” is a worthwhile adage to follow for the uplift of the soul
through appreciation of beauty. Good nutrition and care of one’s physical
vehicle are essential to a sense of well-being. The fatigue incident to poor
health habits—lack of proper rest (due to a short sleep time or to high noise
pollution during the sleep period preventing real relaxation), a junk-food
diet, caffeine and nicotine, the use of chemical crutches—produces
nervousness, accident proneness, and a loss of stability which inescapably
results in low emotional tone. Inactivity is also destructive to the
individual. One should always have a hobby or sports activity or an
educational course as a challenge. If one has the blues, some sort of
physical activity—planting a garden, sprucing up the house, washing the
car—will perk one up. Indeed, learning job skills or techniques for improving
self-understanding or ways to uplift the quality of life all contribute to a
person’s improved sense of self-esteem. The best of all possible activities
for bringing a person up to enthusiastic emotions is to engage in working
toward a worthy, long-range goal which is important to him. Virtually everyone
experiences positive emotions when he becomes successful, has a happy
marriage, has meaningful work, and makes himself a likable, friendly person.
This almost sounds like a paradox to the loser: “Sure, I could be happy too
if I had all those things. But you say I can’t get there unless I first
develop a success attitude and high-tone emotions.” Which came first, the
chicken or the egg? The process is an ever-improving cycle mutually dependent
upon the interplay between confidence and success. Success breeds confidence,
and confidence encourages the reaching out for more areas in which to expect
success. Everyone grows step-by-step, and the alternate rungs of the ladder
which one must climb by his own effort are called “confidence” and “success
The greater the command a person has over himself, his circumstances, and the
things around him, the higher his emotional tone becomes and stays. The truly
mature person seeks and enjoys responsibility. If he is promoted to a
position beyond his skills or is asked to meet impossible standards, he must
have the sense to change positions lest his all-important success attitudes
and emotional tone deteriorate. |
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